Boredom, Birthday and Firewhisky
by HouseoftheBadger
Summary: Sirius is bored. His fellow Gryffindors are worried, because a bored Sirius (or James) never ends well for the other students. Unexpectedly, it's Lily Evans who takes his boredom away, kind of.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

* * *

"I'm so boooooored." Sirius moaned from where he was lying on one of the sofas in the Gryffindor common room. He threw out his arms to add a dramatic flair and he was now occupying the entire sofa as Peter had to jump down on the floor to avoid being hit. Their fellow Gryffindors who were sitting close to them slowly edged away, knowing that everyone was in the risk zone when Sirius Black was feeling bored.

Remus was sitting on the floor, leaning toward the sofa and sighed exasperatedly, slapping his book closed.  
"Why don't you go work on your Potions essay, then?"  
James and Sirius looked at him for a long time.  
"One, because that's boring." Sirius said, very slowly like explaining it to a child and not a fifteen year old. "And two, because it's almost finished already. I'm going to get an O, at the very least, and you know it."  
Remus did know. He himself wasn't any good at Potions and he struggled to keep his grades good in that subject, but James and Sirius were both talented and got the highest grades easily. Their homework often came in late, but when it did it was often about ten times more complicated and well done than Slughorn – or any other teacher – had asked for so it was excusable in the professors' eyes.

"Remus, stop being a bore and come up with something interesting instead." James commanded and the werewolf sighed. There wasn't much use to argue when the two black haired boys had those looks or used that voice. He put the book – it was on Defence Against the Dark Arts – aside on a nearby table, knowing that no one would take it. No one would dare to try to steal from a Marauder after all and it had his name in it.

"We can go explore?" He suggested and Peter perked up. The youngest member of their group liked exploring the grounds and the castle.  
Sirius shook his head.  
"Nah. We're doing that all the time nowadays, to make that bloody map. I need a pause."  
Peter looked slightly disappointed but didn't say anything. After all, while they were all equal in the Marauders, just like any group they had an informal hierarchy, and James and Sirius held the shared top rank and Peter was on the bottom. Remus wasn't sure how it came he wasn't there, he was the werewolf after all, the monster, but he was happy he wasn't the lowest, even though that made him feel guilty for his friend.

"We can… prank the Slytherins?" Sirius lightened up for a moment and sat up slightly before falling down in the sofa again.  
"Don't have the energy."

Wow, that must be a first.  
"Woe is you." Remus muttered. Couldn't he help a little here? The werewolf tried to come up with something, but it was hard when the Black heir was in this mood. Oh, well, what else? He _could_ leave and go hide in the library – none of his friends ever went there except when doing research for something – but then he would leave their housemates completely in James' and Sirius' bored mercy, and that would be cruel. Gideon and Fabian Prewett – who were seventh years – were the only ones outside the Marauders who could be sure not get hexed just because they could, so Remus didn't want to do that to his fellow Gryffindors.

Suddenly the door leading to the Girls' Dormitories swung open and Lily Evans and Mary McDonald walked in, carrying some flowers and chocolate.  
"What's with the chocolate and flowers, Evans?" James called out as they reached the bottom of the stairs, looking unaffected as Lily threw him a disdainful gaze. "Finally going to declare your undying love for me?"  
The redhead looked straight out disgusted, and Remus felt a pang of sympathy for both his friends. Lily for having to deal with James, and James because he was honestly interested in her, just an idiot when it came to showing it.  
"Don't be stupid, _Potter_." She spat the name like it was an insult. James just grinned though there was something like hurt in his eyes. "It's for Professor McGonagall."  
Now Sirius sat up and looked interested, a little bit like a dog having found a toy.  
"Why would you get that for Minnie?" He asked. "Trying to bribe her into giving you good Transfiguration grades?"  
Lily was pretty bad at Transfiguration, which infuriated her extremely much, especially since James was a true prodigy at the subject. Remus had once overheard Minnie telling Dumbledore that she wouldn't be surprised if he surpassed her one day. Which he kind of already had done, becoming an Animagus at fifteen.  
"Of course not, Black. It's her birthday today."

Was it? How come they didn't know when McGonagall's birthday was, after having been at Hogwarts for four years?  
"Really?" Peter said, surprised. "Then we should get her something." He added, turning to James, Sirius and Remus. James and Sirius grinned identical grins.  
"Party!"

Remus couldn't help but grin either. It was Friday, so it was perfect for a party, and much could be said about the Marauders' parties, but they were exciting and a lot of fun. He wasn't really sure how much McGonagall would appreciate it, though. But they'd get her a gift she'd like and then they could hold the party.

James and Sirius immediately got on their feet, now when they had a project which would be a lot of fun.  
"Evans, don't you dare tell her about the party. It'll be a surprise." Sirius warned her and Lily simply rolled her eyes and made her way out. But before she left Remus threw her a pleading gaze, silently asking her not to tell her, and the redhead sighed exasperatedly before nodding. The werewolf grinned at her. He knew Lily liked their parties too, she just didn't like to admit that James & Sirius could do something good. But she was a party person, just like them, and always had fun.

Gideon and Fabian hurried up to them, eager to tread into service. They were the Marauders' closest friends outside the group and were always willing to help with pranks or parties or whatever else they were planning or plotting.  
Remus and Peter joined their friends and soon they were all running around instructing people what to do – though most of it would be done by the Marauders themselves – and James strictly instructed the younger members of Gryffindor House that no one younger than fourth year would be allowed in the common room after nine o'clock. There were some groans but no one argued. It would be futile and also dangerous to do so.

* * *

An hour later the Marauders made their way down one of the secret passageways out of Hogwarts. The one behind the One-Eyed Witch, as they would need a lot of sweets. Sure, they could ask the elves and they had already done so for the cake, but Honeydukes had the best candy and they wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks and get butterbeer, and of course the Hog's Head and get firewhisky. They had a stock of muggle alcohol in their dorm – hidden, of course, so no one but them could find it.

Sneaking up through the door as soon as they had made sure no one was there to see they made their way into the shop. As the owners saw them they grinned.  
"Sneaking out again, boys?" One of them asked. The Marauders were some of Hogsmeade's best customers, so no one would tell the teachers about them sneaking out every so often.  
"You know it, Mrs Flume." James replied, smiling his most charming smile, and the owners chuckled.

They took everything they wanted and James and Sirius paid for it before setting off into the village. They sneaked into a dark alley to make the sweet bags smaller and put them in their pockets. It was great with all-magic villages. No one on the Ministry would ever know about underage wizards using magic there, something the students of Hogwarts of course used more often than not.

As they walked into the Three Broomsticks, Madam Rosmerta smiled at them.  
"Hello boys." She said. Remus knew she had a fond spot for them all, especially James and Sirius. She adored them.  
" _Bonjour_ , Madame." Sirius said, sweeping down in a bow. The landlady giggled slightly and gestured toward their usual chairs in front of the bar. "How is your day?"  
"Just fine, thank you. And yours?"  
"Wonderful."

"Uh, Madam Rosmerta?" Remus interrupted Sirius' flirtations. She turned to him, still smiling. "About two hundred butterbeers, please."  
"Two hundred? By the heavens, what will you do with that many?" She asked, looking surprised and amused.  
"We're throwing Minnie a birthday party." Peter told her, grinning, and she grinned back.  
"That's a good idea if I've ever heard one. Dear Minerva needs to loosen up. If what I've heard about her Hogwarts days is true…"  
Remus blinked. That sounded interesting. He waited for her to continue but when she didn't he spoke.  
"What about Minnie's Hogwarts days?"  
"Oh, no, boys." Madam Rosmerta shook her head. "I can't tell you that. That would be undermining the authority of a teacher, and that won't do."

The boys exchanged gazes. That sounded really good. Now they had to know about their Head of House's days in school. But that would have to wait. They didn't have the time today. They sat down and waited for Rosmerta to come back with their butterbeer, which she did quickly, and made their departure. Now they needed a present for Minnie and the firewhisky and then it was only to return and wait for the party to begin.

"What do you think we should get Minnie?" Peter asked as they walked through the village. The other three looked thoughtful.  
"We could of course get her a book, but that'd be unoriginal, dontcha think?" James said and Remus winced.  
"Please don't butcher the English language like that."  
He was ignored, as always when he told his friends to speak properly (Sirius had an excuse as he had been forced to be proper his whole life, but James and Peter were another affair completely).  
"We could give her a free visit at the hairdressing saloon, but perhaps that would be rude." Peter thought aloud and received a smack on the head.  
"We can't give a teacher, even less _an old woman_ the same age as _my Mother_ , a visit at a beauty place, dimwit. What do you even think with, Wormtail?" Sirius said, frowning with dislike. Peter rubbed his head and looked excusing. "That'd be like giving Mother a visit there. Except that Minnie wouldn't curse us into oblivion for calling her ugly, of course." He added thoughtfully. It was awful how calm he was when talking about his parents _torturing_ him.

"A visit at Madam Puddifoot's?" James suggested. "Perhaps she could go there with Dumbly. He would enjoy it, I'm sure. Not as a date, of course, because that'd be weird, plus that we've got the theory we overheard McKinnon and Evans talk about, that one about Dumbledore being gay."  
"Cat accessories?"  
"New robes?"  
"Something Quidditch related?"  
After a lot of arguing they decided on something and went and bought it.

After getting Minnie's gift, they went to the Hog's Head. In there it was quite dark and filthy as usual, and most fifteen year olds had hesitated before putting their feet inside a place looking so threatening, but the Marauders were something like regulars there and just walked straight up to the bar. The barkeeper, who refused to give up his name and they supposed they couldn't blame him seeing what kind of place he runs, who always smelled of goat looked down at them from under his hood.  
"Firewhisky as usual?" He asked, sounding pretty uninterested but slightly amused. James nodded.  
"Yeah, and loads of it. Like as much as you can get us within ten minutes."  
"That'll be a lot. What're you doing with it?"  
"A party." Sirius said, like it explained it all. Which it actually did. The Marauders' parties were probably known all the way down here, despite them only having held them for a little less than a year. They included a lot of inebriation, which was why younger students weren't allowed. They shouldn't actually invite fourth years either, but they had begun to drink at fourteen (Sirius began as a way to forget once when he had gotten a letter more horrible than usual from the Blacks and then they just found they liked it) so that would be hypocritical. And they were many things, but they weren't hypocrites. Most of the time, at least.

"So, should we invite the other houses or is this only Gryffindors?" Remus asked his friends as they sat waiting.  
"Only Gryffindors." James replied. "We're celebrating our Head of House, after all."  
The other three nodded. That made sense.

The barkeeper soon returned with their firewhisky, which truly was a lot, and once again James paid for it before they shrunk it to fit in the bag they had brought. In here they didn't have to be worried about getting reported. Hardly anyone in here would bat an eye at underage magic, after all.

* * *

Then they returned to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade, through the passageway that led to a hallway only a hundred feet from the Tower. As they walked through the portrait they grinned when they saw how festive Gid and Fab had managed to get the common room.  
"This is great!" Peter exclaimed and the twins grinned.  
"'Course it is." Gideon said.  
"We did it." Fabian nodded. "With some help." He added as his girlfriend, Jennifer McKinnon, Marlene's cousin, hit him over the head. Hard, from the sight of it. "From all the other amazing members of Gryffindor."  
"Now what?" Raphael, a Gryffindor the Marauders' year, asked as he walked up to them.  
"Now you all wait here, and we'll get Minnie." Remus told him and everyone else.

They left the butterbeer and sweets on one of the tables, and one of the house elves came to deliver the cake, before hiding the firewhisky in their dorm and leaving to go get the Transfiguration professor.

As they came running into their Head's office without knocking they got an irritated look from McGonagall, but as she saw their panicked faces she immediately stood up.  
"What's going on, boys?" She asked, looking worried. Sirius let out a gasp, as if they had been running.  
"Come quickly, professor! We need you in the common room!" He said, and she was coming toward them within a few seconds. Remus forced himself to not grin. Perhaps they were being a little mean and didn't have to worry her like this, but it was a lot of fun, and also an effective way to get her to the common room quickly.

Minnie nodded and ran out after them, lifting her robes so she would be able to run faster. The Marauders took the lead and they were in the common room.  
They were all grinning widely as she stopped in her tracks, staring at everything.  
"And a big 'hooray' for the fifth Marauder, our beloved Minnie!" James declared loudly in front of the seemingly empty common room. "May she live many more years. Hip, hip…"

"Hurrah!" All the Gryffindors jumped out from behind the sofas, armchairs and other interior decorations, cheering, and Sirius, Remus and Peter joined in, louder than anyone else.  
"Hip, hip…"  
"Hurrah!"  
"Hip, hip…"  
"Hurrah!"

When they were finished all the Lions looked at Minnie expectantly. She looked both confused, touched, slightly mad and… was that… a blush? Nah, Remus must be seeing things. Minerva McGonagall did not blush.  
"Happy birthday, Minnie!" The Animaguses and the werewolf exclaimed, smiling widely. She smiled back. She had long ago given up all her attempts at making them stop calling her 'Minnie', and at the moment she didn't seem to care.

"What is this?" The witch sounded a bit dizzy.  
"Your birthday party, of course!" Peter told her happily.

Together with Sirius, Remus walked up behind the Transfiguration professor and practically shoved her downstairs to the other students.  
On the coffee table in front of the fire a couple of presents were placed. Minnie eyed them with almost wonder, the brunet noticed. Perhaps no students had held her a party before. Why? Minnie was the best, truly. Even Sirius adored her, and he normally only felt dislike for authority figures.  
"Presents first, then cake." The dog Animagi decided, grinning in expectation. He took a random package on the table, though making sure it wasn't one of theirs. Minnie would get theirs last.

The witch smiled as she read the note on it and opened it, finding a book. She thanked the student who had given it to her – a second year named Stephenson – before opening the rest, always thanking, looking very touched. Mostly books, but there were other things there too, such as a set of quills and a clock.  
Then the table was empty except for their two gifts. Smiling, Peter gave the first to her.  
"And those two are from us."  
She looked just a little bit suspicious before opening it, still smiling. It became slightly strained as she took up a cat's ball filled with catnip.  
"Thank you boys." She said, and James grinned.  
"You're welcome, Professor Minnie. Now the second one. Moony."

Remus gave it to her. It was only an envelope, so she opened it quickly. Her eyes widened.  
"Happy birthday!" The four boys cried out again.  
"Boys, I can't take this." She almost stammered. "It must've cost a fortune."  
"Oh, please. Nonsense." James rolled his eyes. "You know Sirius and I couldn't care less about money. We're rich. Of course you can take it, it would be rude not to. And you do not want to hurt our feelings, do you, professor?"  
She held up her gift; a ticket that would allow her a place in the top box at every match of her favourite team; the Pride of Portree, played for two seasons. It had been Sirius' idea, as he and Minnie often talked about Quidditch on their weekly teas and she was almost as big an enthusiast as James. She was right, it had cost a fortune, and Remus still felt dizzy over the incredible sum of money James and Sirius just had paid without a second thought, _just everything his family could've done with that money_ , but he was happy they had done it, because it had obviously been a good gift. She looked completely overwhelmed.  
"Well, of course…" She finally said. "Well, thank you a lot, Misters Black, Lupin, Pettigrew and Potter. It is much appreciated."  
"Perhaps we'll see you in the top box if the Pride plays the Catapults or the Harpies someday." James told her, winking.

They let her slice the cake, it was citrus and chocolate, and just whistled innocently when she asked where they had got it from, getting a knowing look from her, and gave out the butterbeer to everyone who wanted. They had a really good time, and everyone else seemed to have so too, even though many were wary around Professor McGonagall. The birthday woman seemed to enjoy herself too, luckily. Then the music started and the party became real. Which meant Minnie soon left, and the alcohol could be taken out as soon as they had sent the younger students to their dormitories.

* * *

Three o'clock on Saturday morning four drunken boys made their way back to their dorm, just like most people had already done.  
"Dat was 'oody asome." Sirius said, hanging almost limp on James. He was the one who was the drunkest, but as soon as he had gotten some sleep he would be his usual cheerful self. The Black heir never got a hangover, something that annoyed the heck out of his friends, especially James, who always had horrible headaches the morning after.  
"Deffinitly." Remus agreed, though he was already half asleep, stumbling into the wall. To be honest, his memories of the evening after eleven o'clock were slightly blurry, but he was sure they would come back as soon as he got the alcohol out of his system.  
"ThatwasgreatthatwasthebesteverIcantbelievewhywedonthavepartiesmoreoften" Peter rambled. He was a cheerful and hyperactive drunk, and a lot more confident when inebriated than when not.  
James yawned and almost dropped Sirius down the stairs, catching him in the last moment. Probably mostly because of muscle memory, not because he was actually aware that he almost had dropped his best friend.  
"Wormy's 'ight weshod 'ave parties moroffen."  
Remus nodded, agreeing. They totally should. Parties were the best.

As they reached their dormitories they only just managed to change into their pajamas before falling into their beds, fast asleep within moments.

Sirius wasn't bored anymore, and no one got hurt or even humiliated. Instead they had the greatest time in a long while. _Mission accomplished_ , Remus thought just before his head hit his pillow and he sank into unconsciousness. Though a lot less articulate, as he was completely drunk.

Soon the snores of four inebriated fifteen year olds filled the room.

* * *

 ** _Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me_...**

 **Yay! It's my birthday!  
On my wishlist for today, the one I give to you, is:  
Reviews**

 **Today I got _the Cursed Child_ (finally!), and I finished it just a little while ago, and guess what my awesome baby brother got me? The Marauder's Map! O.O  
That's going to get really handy while writing these fics. ^^ As soon as I've figured out how it works, at least.**

 **This must seriously be something of the quickest I've written. I wanted to have something to post... sorry, publish today (I've spent to much time on Tumblr) as a birthday present from me to y'all. And I say this a lot but: not the best thing I've written but really, it was a something I wrote quickly because I wanted to publish something today so go easy on me, please.** (●*∩_∩*●) **  
I've got no idea how to write drunk characters, because I've never been even slightly inebriated myself, but I made my best.  
**

 **Just to make clear, I do not think getting drunk (especially at that age) is something good, and I do not support anything but celebrating your teacher in this fic, but hey, I'm sure the Marauders wouldn't agree with me, so I wrote it anyway.**

 **Yesterday school began, too. Really, my only boring subject is Math, otherwise this is going to be a fun year, so I'm not going to complain. Perhaps you'll get fewer fics, perhaps more (it's possible I'll get more inspiration being away from home). It remains to see.**

 **Well, now I need to go. My guests are coming soon.  
Have a good day/night (wherever you live)! **✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

 **Oh, by the way, there's both a new Afterlife getting written and a new Different Timelines. I can't promise they will be out really soon, but they're on the way! :)**

 **Wow, this got long.**


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